Category Archives: Movies

We’re always watching them. Sometimes we make them too.

Crimson and Cloverfield: Over and Over (stomach turns that is)

Cloverfield Couple of jerks

Does anyone remember a show on NBC called “Empty Nest”?

Anyone?

It was on late in the 80s (early 90s) and was a kind of spin off of “The Golden Girls” which would later lead to another spin off called “Nurses” (Empty Nest’s spin off that is).

Well, I ask because in the “Empty Nest,” there was a character named Charly Dietz (played by David Leisure as you just saw on the clip).

He was supposed to be some kind of sleazy cruise captain (who probably follows in the vein of lots of other characters who happen to be sleazy, inept, swinging bachelors in definite need of antibiotics, i.e: Quagmire, Howard Borden, Dan Fielding, etc) who would pop in and out of the lives of the main characters. The “Empty Nest” character’s names elude me, but I do remember one being a neurotic head case, and the other being some kind of lesbian cop (who for years I swore was Atreyu on “The Never Ending Story”)…

Atreyu Mcnicol
Okay, Kristy McNichole is not a gay, but Matt Dillion WAS prettier than her, right?

Moving along.

For whatever reason, the tidbit I remember is Charley being really happy that his personalized licence plates have finally arrived. He says his plates will tell everyone about him(in six letters). He’s a “Sea Lover.”

He holds it up and it reads: CLOVER. (Har har.)

The gag during the rest of the episode (whatever it was about), was Charley trying to convince everyone his plate is not CLOVER, but C-Lover.

Well, I bring this up because I wonder if maybe Abrams saw that episode. I’m kind of really hoping he did, and that I’m not just pulling at air trying to find something interesting about his terrible movie.

Yeah yeah, he tells people the name was inspired by “the freeway exit and airport near his Santa Monica office,” but wouldn’t it be nice if it also had something to do with his crappy monster being a sea lover? Eh eh eh?

Plus, the monster had crabs falling off it self. Crabs people! Hello, is that not something that would happen to someone who had C-Lover vanity type plates? I’m just saying.

Oh well, my overall verdict of the film right?

Earlier I said I had a bad feeling about it right? And how I wanted to be proven wrong…WELL.

That has yet to happen people.

Thumbs Down

Cloverfield was a bad movie. In the words of the one so-so character Hud, “It’s a terrible thing.” (I might even be getting his quote wrong actually, but eh well).

I give it a C- grade rating at most. And I only it give it that letter because I’m still talking Crap about it(and I want to stay in tune with C-lover).

What didn’t I like about it? The short list?

The story was lame. A plot/love story that was almost as inept as any chance of a steady shot through out the entire film. It was not The American Godzilla it aimed to be. It wasn’t even really a monster movie. More like a cheap high school soap play that happened to have a monster tearing up the city in the back ground. Anything could have easily replaced the monster really. An earthquake, a gang of terrorist, a giant marshmallow, whatever.

The dialogue was crap. Maybe the camera made them nervous, maybe it was a theme they were going for, who knows…none of it felt remotely natural or real.

And sure, Shakespeare doesn’t feel natural, but there’s something to it you know.

The Deep Writings

It’s deep stuff right?

Speaking of deep…the characters. Putting it mildly, these cardboard cut out New York hipsters had the kind of depth even toddlers wouldn’t dip their feet into. And omigod the main guy–he sucked sooooooooo much. He is like a poor man’s Michael Vartan (who’s name I only now know because I looked him up specifically to prove how much better he is than the Cloverfield guy.) except he’s super annoying. And, my god he couldn’t deliver emotion if he had a hat that said Dominoes on it…uggh.

Oh and don’t get me started on…you know what?

There are loads of reviews out there, pick one and run with it, just don’t run with a camera PLEASE.

C the movie if you want, don’t C it. Just don’t expect too much I guess. And if you’re prone to C (sea) sickness, take some Dramamine.

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Movies are Moving yours and Mind

Sally Y Harry

It’s interesting that I’d find something like THIS considering that I was talking about something like that already.

The internet! Acck, it’s like got powers or something right?!!

Sure, the article mentioned up there reads more like a snippet. A quickie about how Americans are more comfortable assessing judgments on objects vs. East Asians and how they better judges of relationships.

I think that’s what they were going for…Not so much about bad movies making for bad daters, right?

Well MY idea was less about judging objects/judging films or East Asians and more about how there are a good number of movies that probably shaped the person I am today.

Film in the head

I was an impressionable youth. I still am.

Just right off the bat, the movies that come to mind are (in no particular oder)

Annie Hall

Urban Cowboy

The Goonies

Logan’s Run

Gremlins

The Last Star Fighter

Shampoo

So let’s get this. Just looking at this list, you’re thinking I’m a neurotic Texan set on finding treasure all the while avoiding eating after midnight in case I have to save the planet via my joystick all the while maintaining a number of hair appointments. Close?

No.

Not entirely, but we’re getting there.

Alright, let’s get this show started shall we?

The Goonies:

Ah, My feel good movie. My dream scenario (And yes, it does include “The Truffle Shuffle”)

What’s not to enjoy about this straight out of the 80’s classic.

Corey wasn’t crying over vegatables and Josh Brolin was sizzlin’ (We’ll refer to this boy hotness in another segment, I promise.)

To this day I can’t pass an empty cabin, or box of Rocky Road without some brief Goonie imagery. “That’s what I said!”

I remember wishing, shoot, I still wish I could go on an adventure that results in me making friends with a guy named “Sloth” and a bag full of treasure. Most of all, I want a group of friends that’ll go on that said adventure to save my house from being torn down.

How many of your friends will take up with a goon, fight off ex cons, find pirate booty and then let you use it?

Uh huh.

The Goonies were also the “uncool” kids(Hello Blog title plug!), and they were a good bunch of kids.

I can only hope to be a Goonie some day…

Huddled below the surface calling out through a well for a bucket and still making wishes…

Makes me think of a really good saying that goes:

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”

Goonies R’ Good Enough for EVERYTHING!

Logan’s Run:

Yeah pretty self explanatory, no? I feel safe in saying that anyone who’s viewed the film blows their birthday candles and wonders when their palm will light up.

I remember catching this little gem on the television at a very young age. An age when you still think everything your parents say is true and 30 is light light years away.

You watch it for kicks again in your teens (Again, probably on cable) and mostly you wonder why the guy from Austin Powers (Basil) would have been considered a leading man.

Lately I see it in the bargin bin at Best Buy and keep walking.

I’m not a “Runner” yet!

Actually we’ll get to it on our next installment.

Yeah this one is going to be continued ya’ll.

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Filed under Films, Logan's Run, Movies, Nerd bites, News